letter from home

writing a letter home makes me difficulty. what is home? is it a real space, some flat, country, society? i do not know. i can`t decide. maybe because of my idea what "home" should mean. it should be a safe place. but there, where i live, i do not feel safe. not because someone will physically attack my appartment, but because of "unsafeness" in the society of my homeland. people will ask: do you then want to escape? and my answer will be – yes. i want to escape. but where to? with the passport i have, i do not belong anywhere. too many limits on getting visa, getting working permission... so where can i escape? is it a trap? i can`t decide.

but if home is a private, mental space, where an individual feels safe and free, then i can write this letter. but then this letter will have just one language. no translation. i can`t translate it into polish, albanian, dutch, german, russian, bulgarian, hungarian, romanian, latvian, slovenian.... and even english i do not speak properly. and i do not care. i can explain what i feel and that is enough. and if i translated it just to serbian that`s just one of so many languages. i do not speak all those languages, but i can hear the sound, the melody. an albanian military song is the same as any military song anywhere. it says the same.

because of all that, this letter can`t be a letter home, but a letter from home. then i can write from my private, mental space. i do not need to escape. i feel free to say what i want, without pressure. because my mental space assumes some other people as well. their ideas and their energy is also partly mine. we shared it. once, in deep europe.

what is deep europe? is it real? is it safe? my answer is – yes. deep europe is real. it exists. i do not need a visa to be there, i do not need an invitation letter to be there, i can just simply sit and think and i am there – in the land without borders, policemen, elections, president, goverment.... where no radio or TV station will be banned... whose citizens are speaking different languages without shame... and a lot more.

deep europe is my homeland, my private mental space, which i share with others. deep europe recognizes words like exchanging, sharing, growing. and that`s why i believe deep europe exists. because i went there, and i can go there whenever i wish. to exchange, share, grow and understand.

branka